Because I Said So

It’s the phrase your parents used and you swore you would never say to your children (until you said it): “Because I said so.” But is it actually okay? John Rosemond says yes.

Yesterday I had the privilege of hearing family psychologist and published author John Rosemond speak at my church. I have to be honest and say I have never read any of his books. For that matter, I must confess that I have never read any parenting book other than an occasional article online or in Parents magazine. But listening to John took me on a trip down memory lane to how my parents raised me. Other than Dr. Dobson’s original book, Dr. Spock’s classic and the always relevant Holy Bible, I’m pretty sure my mother didn’t rely on a mountain of publications offering psychology tips and reverse-psychology methods and everything in between.

John Rosemond proclaims that today’s parents have the wrong point of view, steeped in behavior modification theory (with theory being a key word) that works on dogs but only temporarily on humans. He reminds us that children have minds of their own and that our job is to teach children how to think and influence their thinking. We should disciple rather than simply discipline.

Parenting is about leadership, says Rosemond. But parents today behave more like politicians seeking approval than like leaders leading by example.  “Because I said so,” he adds, “is a leadership statement.” But it should never be said in anger or as a threat. Leaders are calm and matter of fact. Leaders act like they know what they are doing, know where they are going, know what they want, and know they are going to get it.

Rosemond also discussed why high self esteem is actually a negative trait. After his clarification it is easy to recognize the difference between high self esteem – a negative trait – and confidence – a positive trait. I found this question especially interesting: “Would you rather have a friend who has high self esteem or a friend who is humble and modest?” Of course we all said humble and modest. So my own interpretation is that if we are pushing our children to have high self esteem, we are actually teaching our children to be the person that no one wants as a friend.

I think my two hours listening to John Rosemond was well spent and now I do plan to read one of his books. I’m also interested in what readers have to say. Please submit comments! And if John Rosemond happens to read this blog post, I also welcome his response!

-Melissa

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Tags: Christian parenting, confident children, family psychologist, high self esteem, James Dobson, John Rosemond, leadership, parenting books

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